Modupe in 1989

Analyze your fear

As a child, I was plagued by bad dreams and instances of fear. Fear sometime so palpable that many times I would not sleep through the night. One season, I was unable to sleep through the night for months.

Whenever the whole house went to bed, I, who slept by the room’s window would hear someone continuously striking matches outside the window. The sound of matches being struck would go on all night till the wee hours of the morning. It would not stop until the sun first cock crow.

This went on for weeks. The moment I lay down to sleep, the sound of a match being struck continuously would take over, and I would be so afraid. I would ask the house's other occupants if they heard the sound, but it seemed I was the only one.

After the first few weeks, I devised a plan. At first light, I would run out of the house to try to catch the match lighter in the act, but I never did.

When I did that for a week and could never catch the person, I decided to start going to the window immediately after the first cockcrow. I figured in my child's mind that whoever it was would not have had time to run away, but my efforts were futile as I was never fast enough.

Even more baffling was the fact that there were never burnt-out matchsticks on the floor by my window. I kept running out every morning in a bid to gather matchsticks to show my parents as proof that someone was indeed striking matches all night, but it was an unsuccessful venture. I then assumed that the person must be going away with the used match sticks after all.

With this realisation, I stayed awake and trembled all through the night in fear that the person would one day burn down the house.

One day, my older brother left me in charge of his mini market. It was a small box filled with all kinds of small things people needed, and his wares included matches.

I picked up the small pack and counted the content, it was less than 30 (thirty) or so. At the time matches came in smaller packs and not the full boxes that are available today. I began to wonder, how many packs of matches one would need to strike matches continuously for hours during the night.

I immediately realised that it was impossible for any one person to afford the number of matches to keep up with terrorising me all night. The sheer volume required for that venture helped me fact check what I thought I knew and the conclusions I had drawn.

I knew that it was just fear playing tricks with my mind, a machination of the devil. With that conviction, I went to bed and never heard a match strike behind my window ever again till I left Efon Alaaye.

The Lesson was this, “Always process what you fear, you might discover that your fear is irrational.”