Ill-Advised Dancing: Propriety Matters

 Propriety Propriety Propriety

There were many instances when I thought my mother was too strict, but in hindsight, I understood her need to instill discipline in all forms and I was truly grateful for her wisdom. One incident comes to mind.

At this time, I was a young banker, fresh in Union Bank’s employ. That Friday, I had travelled home to visit my mother in Ibadan, and as was our custom, I sat in front of the house on the veranda watching my mother arrange her wares in preparation for her usual evening/night-time sales. Coincidentally, the people in the house opposite ours were celebrating a naming ceremony and the music was just coming up. The song was so good that where I sat, I began to sing along and dance to the music wafting from the compound opposite ours. My mother had gone into the house to check on something, and I, oblivious to the stares of people around danced away the night.

The custom at the time was to hold an open-air party, with the compound gates fully opened to allow incoming guests easy access. It was also to allow the hosts to see those passing by or invite in anyone they really wanted. With my dancing right opposite the open compound, I was an easy sight to see for anyone who bothered to glance in that direction, but I was oblivious.

As my mother walked back out, she noticed the hosts watching and pointing at me, yet I continued my dancing.

My mother, ever the disciplinarian was having none of it. Even though I was in my early 20s, earning money, living alone and making my own decisions, she said, “Is it so that they can give you one plate of rice you are dancing uninvited to their music?” She said.

Her words were like a slap on my cheek. It felt like I was doused with iced water as I quickly comported myself and stopped my ill-advised dancing.

The lesson hurt, but it stuck with me. Later, when I was able to think clearly and consider her words, it occurred to me that my dancing to music from a party that I was not expressly invited to be an invitation to ‘treat’ of sorts. What if by my dancing, the new parents felt obliged to give me food they may not have planned for, or they were forced to invite me to an event they did not want us at? These questions rang in my mind to the point that I realised that my mother’s words had prevented me from an embarrassing situation.

To date, I understood the lesson and did my best to instil it in my children, that what you feel like doing may not always be proper when considered from the point of view of another person. Dancing uninvited to another’s music, while causing no harm, may just be an indication of a lack of decorum.